When Your Deployment Gets Replaced by a Gym Membership
Seven members of the Texas National Guard recently found themselves redeployed – not to Illinois, but straight back to the treadmill. Their offense? Failing to meet “mission requirements” during a pre-deployment fitness validation, a phrase that now sounds suspiciously like “couldn’t pass the push-up test.”
The Texas Military Department confirmed that the seven were swapped out before joining a 60-day federal protection mission in Illinois, where 200 troops were sent to safeguard government buildings during anti-immigration protests. A viral photo showing some, shall we say, generously-proportioned troops stepping off a transport truck didn’t help.
In the age of social media, America’s keyboard warriors took one look and declared the National Guard in need of a national gym membership. The department responded swiftly: “Our standards will be high, uncompromising, and clear,” echoing Secretary of War Pete Hegseth’s new mantra — and possibly every personal trainer’s sales pitch.
Hegseth Declares War — on Waistlines
“Standards are back at the Department of War,” Hegseth crowed on X, reposting a headline about the removals. Translation: the Secretary of War just unfriended carbs.
Hegseth has made military fitness his personal crusade. In a speech to top brass last month, he said he was tired of looking at “fat troops” and “fat generals,” which must have made for a very tense lunch at the Pentagon cafeteria that day. His new 10-point plan to restore discipline includes physical rigor, mental toughness, and, apparently, a nationwide ban on second helpings.
Critics accused him of being too harsh, but Hegseth’s defenders argue the man’s just bringing back the basics. “You can’t deploy soldiers who look like they’re about to ask for extra ranch,” quipped one retired officer.
No one’s saying precisely what the seven soldiers failed – push-ups, pull-ups, or resisting the call of Dunkin’ Donuts – but retired Major General Boe Young offered a clue. “The military has to be ready to deploy anywhere, anytime,” he said. “The standards are there so you can handle physically punishing environments.”
Translation: if you get winded jogging to the chow line, it’s probably not your time to guard federal property in Chicago.
Young noted that being overweight isn’t an automatic disqualifier, as long as progress is being made. But “progress” apparently wasn’t the word of the day for these seven Texans.
Democrats Cry Foul — Hegseth Says “Try the Salad Bar”
Senator Tammy Duckworth of Illinois, herself a veteran, weighed in sharply, reminding the public that the National Guard swore an oath to the Constitution, not to Donald Trump. Which is true – though in this case, the only oath at issue might be the one to skip dessert.
The Texas troops, meanwhile, remain stationed at a base outside Chicago while lawyers argue in court over the legality of their deployment. No one knows how long they’ll be there, but there’s talk of adding a morning jog to the daily schedule – you know, just in case.
Marching Orders for a New Military
Hegseth’s war on softness, literal and metaphorical, is becoming his signature. To some, it’s a long-overdue correction. To others, it’s an overreaction to one bad photo. Either way, the message is clear: if you want to wear the uniform, make sure it still fits.
In the end, seven soldiers got sent home, and an entire institution got a not-so-gentle reminder that public image matters. The Department of War isn’t playing around anymore. The new battle cry? “Drop and give me twenty — or give me your deployment papers.”
